There are many of reasons our family has chosen to homeschool- the time freedom, the prioritization of sibling relationships, the ability to give my children ample sleep and healthy meals- just to name a few. But above these and far more, the primary reason our family chose to homeschool is for the purpose of discipleship. I was once asked at a playground, “Do you like homeschooling your children?” My response came as a surprise to the woman, as it came out like this: “Well- honestly it really doesn’t matter whether I like it. I’m called to it. But yes, I actually love it.” Years later after this woman and I became great friends, she told me that that statement I made without even thinking still stuck with her. One of my top assignments is the discipleship of my children, and albeit imperfectly, I take this role very seriously. I’ve been a mama for nine years now, and though I have much to learn, I’ve managed to grab hold of a few fruitful strategies for building daily rhythms of organic discipleship into our days. I’d love to share a few ideas that I would’ve loved to hear when just starting out, in hopes that they will bless you and your family.
I’d like to make a quick point before jumping in that I think will help, and that point is this: discipleship is simply conversations that point to Jesus- whether it be through Scripture, through the discipline of your children, through chores, through talking about friendships you’re children have. It’s using organic opportunities to talk about Jesus. That’s it!
1. Get in the Word with them daily.
This will often be the basis for most conversations. Right now, I simply read my children (9, 6, and 4) from my personal ESV Bible. But I’ve also loved and cherished the Kingdom of God Storybook Bible Series from Lithos Kids, the Parables of Jesus from Lithos Kids, the Wisdom of God from Lithos Kids, and the Jesus Storybook Bible. These children’s Bibles usually have chapters or stopping points, along with discussion questions which make things pretty self-explanatory. But as you begin reading straight from Scripture to them, my advice would be to start with the narrative stories in Scripture, alternating between Genesis and Matthew, and then moving to Exodus and Mark, etc. When you read, focus on “an episode,” like the story of Abraham sacrificing Isaac, or the story of Jacob pretending to be Esau, or the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000. Read the story, and then (without explaining it) ask them to narrate it back to you. Narrating simply means “tell me back what happened.” Start with the youngest as they may only remember a couple things, and move one child at a time up to the oldest. Organic conversations and questions will flow beautifully from this time- trust me! My Morning Readings look like this:
Monday: New Testament portion (right now, we’re moving through the Gospels)
Tuesday: Old Testament portion (right now, we’re reading through Exodus)
Wednesday: A chapter in Psalms
Thursday: A chapter in Proverbs
Friday: I don’t read a Bible story this day, but we read our Church History from a book called Trial and Triumph (and we also recite Scripture).
I cannot even articulate how rich our discussions are sometimes! Don’t get me wrong- sometimes conversations are lack luster, but I still know that a seed was planted. But most times, our chats rival adult conversations! What I love is that they see the nature of God as they listen to the Old Testament- God’s faithfulness to His beloved Israel is unparalleled. Then they see that Love made manifest in the presence and teachings of Jesus. Then we read the Psalms and hear David crying out to God, and we discuss how we can come to God with full transparency, raw emotion, and tell Him literally everything. We talk about the pain David felt, his devout dependency on His Heavenly Father for protection and counsel. Then as we move to Proverbs on Thursdays, we do things a little differently. I actually don’t have them narrate this. Instead, I read an entire chapter, and then choose a few verses to discuss. For example, this past week- we read Proverbs 27, and discussed the verses:
Proverbs 27:2: “Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth;
an outsider, and not your own lips.”
Proverbs 27:6: “Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.”
We discussed how we are not to boast or brag about ourselves, but let others do the praising. I gave them examples and made them laugh as I pretended to brag about myself. We also discussed how true friends tell us the truth even when it hurts, but “yes men” tell us what we want to hear and aren’t really our true friends. I have found that these Proverbs discussions are such a wonderful spring board as issues arise. When one sibling calls out the wrong of another sibling and they get offended by being called out, we can remind them that “the wounds of a friend can be trusted. It’s the kindness of your sibling to want to see you making the right decisions.” Another one I say often when they are fighting over who gets a certain thing is “Hey guys! Remember- the greatest among you is the greatest servant. Who will lay down their preference first?” A lot of these helpful reminders we give one another come directly from our morning Bible Reading. Also, they know they have full permission to call me out as well, which happens quite a bit!
If you haven’t been able to get in the Word daily with your children, I would absolutely start there and watch the Word work wonders in your home! If you have only preschoolers and under- start with a kids Bible like the ones mentioned above! I’m confident you’ll love them!
2. Set aside time to teach your children how to pray.
Before Bed
This can be done whenever, but we’ve found that it’s nice to do before bed. If you can do it every night, fantastic! But shoot for at least a couple times a week! Sometimes it’s late and we just pray over our children and call it a night. But regularly, we take time to pile the kids up on the bed and take turns praying. We usually prompt them this way:
“Dear Jesus, thank You for—“
They proceed to list all the things from today that they’re grateful for. It usually gets pretty lengthy! Then you can prompt them to ask for their greatest desires after. This is when we usually pray for physical healings of certain ailments within our family, pray for encounters in our dreams, pray for clarity and increase in certain areas, pray for missionaries that we’ve committed to pray for, and pray for the salvation of unsaved family members and neighbors/friends. Not only does this consistently facilitate an atmosphere of family prayer, but it allows for your children to watch you pray- to hear you cry out for healing, to hear you contend for the salvation of a friend, or to hear you bless your children to follow Jesus all the days of their lives and know Him deeply for eternity. I have to believe these moments will be etched into our children’s minds and hearts for their entire lives.
For Your Neighborhood
Letting the children hear me pray aloud has been something I didn’t expect to be so fruitful. Often in the car as we’re riding through our neighborhood, I will pray aloud for the salvation and blessing of each household. As they’ve heard me, they’ve started to do the same! We’ve also done prayer walks too, where we take a morning walk, and I ask them to pray quietly to themselves for each person we pass. This begins to pull them outside of themselves, and teaches them the authority that we carry as Spirit filled followers of Jesus.
3. Disciple during Conflict
In moments where our children are overwhelmed, upset, or perhaps just heavy with sin- we have the opportunity to present the Gospel. The Truth is that they can’t do (fill in the blank with whatever it is) in their own strength. They can’t make consistent right choices in their own strength. They can’t be kind to their siblings every single day in their own strength. They can’t be obedient in their own strength. They can’t overcome their emotions/flesh in their own strength. They can’t stop lying in their own strength. They need Jesus! This is GOOD NEWS! They don’t have to “pull up their boot straps and work harder!” They can instead surrender and ask for His leadership, ask for His Spirit to empower them to do that which they cannot do in their own ability. I’m convicted even writing this, because I’m realizing I have not been presenting the Gospel nearly enough lately! But the truth is when we leave them to deal with their sin themselves, we miss the opportunity to tell them about the One who is ready and waiting to forgive and overthrow their sins, love them and guide them in every step- over and above what we as parents could ever do! I’ve seen all these Instagram pages that teach us how to say the exact right thing to our kids in every moment, but the reality is only Jesus knows exactly what they need, moment by moment. If we can keep introducing them to Him over and over again, we can rest assured that they will have PERFECT counsel at all times! We can absolutely be led by the Spirit of God in what our children need, but oh, when they learn to access Him themselves!
When a child has sinned (been disobedient, hit a sibling, whatever it may be), we give them the decided upon consequence for that action, which they already know will happen before choosing to sin. After said consequence, we try to have a conversation with them where we give them an opportunity to repent to God and repent to us, and whoever they wronged. Then we tell them that that sin is washed away completely, that they are forgiven and restored, and that they can start fresh! We also tell them that they won’t be able to do it alone. They need Jesus’s help (as I just mentioned) to completely turn from this sin and not do it again. We take this time to either pray for them that the Holy Spirit will fill them and help them, or we allow them to pray whatever is on their heart. This is also a time where I repent to Jesus in front of them (and to them) if I could’ve handled the situation better, and ask for His empowerment to be the mother He’s called me to be. My husband does the same. Allowing them to see our repentance and need for His Spirit is powerful.
4. Modeling the Lifestyle for Them
Jesus beckoned His disciples to “come and see,” and we get the honor of doing the same with our little followers. We, like Jesus, get to model what it looks like to pray for the sick, share the Gospel, bring words of healing and comfort, love people, usher in the Kingdom of God. Our children watch us do this everywhere we go, whether it’s in how we treat the cashier at the grocery store, how we talk on the phone, how we talk to our neighbors on a neighborhood walk, how we respond in a car accident. They are watching as we ask the passerby, “How’s your day been so far? Oh no, I’m so sorry that happened. Can I pray for you?” They are watching as someone in Costco says something rude about how troublesome little children are, and we respond in love, telling them what blessings our children are. Currently, our neighbors across the street are Muslim; and daily, their children come over to play with mine. My children hear me sharing Jesus with those children constantly, and because of this, lately they’ve been beating me to the punch.
For the last year or so, I’ve been a part of a very informal women’s Bible study held at a local park. We read line by line, book by book, discuss it and pray for each other. The children play, and sometimes pop in here and there. As my oldest two daughters have observed me leading the group, they’ve taken it upon themselves to host a Bible study for the kids. Not only do they read the Bible with the other kids who belong to the Moms in my group, but they also invite all other kids who are playing on the playground. This has led to children’s Bibles being handed out, children hearing about Jesus for the first time and their parents being receptive, and other glorious moments. I can only thank God. He is working in my children’s hearts as they watch their very imperfect parents follow Jesus.
5. Sing together.
We are commanded throughout Scripture to sing praises to our God, to lift up a sound of thanksgiving. Our family does this by learning hymns together. We work on them at the breakfast table as part of our Morning Time. There is no rhyme or reason to the specific hymns I select. Lately, I’ve been teaching them ones I learned in the small, Black, Methodist church I grew up in. We’ve learned old Negro Spirituals, like “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” and “Soon And Very Soon,” as well as more Traditional Hymns like “Amazing Grace” and “Doxology.” These songs use such rich language to describe our life in Christ, and I believe as we sing these truths, they sink deeper and deeper in us! They spark conversations, like “why is the blood of Jesus the only thing that can wash away our sins?” They connect us with the many followers of Jesus that have gone before us, singing “It Is Well With My Soul” after disparaging tragedy. They give us songs to sing together as we’re putting away laundry, getting ready in the morning, or washing the dishes. They also give us songs to sing as we face sadness, or fear. Lately my daughter has been singing Psalm 23 (not a hymn, but you get the point) to help her with her fear of going down to the basement by herself. These hymns anchor us to Truth, bring comfort, spark joy, and connect us to Jesus and each other. This Christmas, two of my kiddos will be singing “Go Tell It On the Mountain” at our church- how sweet!
6. Memorize Scripture
Memorizing Scripture is something that can come into play as soon as your child can speak in complete sentences. They love it! We started off learning Scripture through song, but now we’re trying to form a new habit of learning longer passages without having to put it to a tune. Hiding Scripture in your children’s hearts from a young age becomes such a gift to them, as it provides for them a file cabinet in their hearts and minds of God’s Word, which the Holy Spirit can pull from and call to their attention at the proper time. Remember that one of the Holy Spirit’s roles is to call Truth to our attention in the moment that we need it. (John 14:26) The more Truth we store, the easier it is for that Truth to be called to our attention. I can’t tell you how many times one of my children has come up to me to apologize about something, and said that the Holy Spirit reminded them of a certain Scripture that convicted them. My children have also gotten into sticky situations with other kids (gossip, inappropriate language, etc) and “remembered what Jesus said” and was helped by the Holy Spirit to navigate the situation. The Holy Spirit will also use the Scripture that you’ve memorized as a family to help you train your children! He will bring it to mind right in the exact moment you need it! When my oldest daughter asks for advice, often times a Scripture we’ve memorized will pop into my mind to help her. Come on, Holy Spirit!
The key is to either start with simple verses and/or start with singing the verses to a tune. There are songs on Youtube for most every verse you’d want to memorize. You could also do what we often did, and just make up your own song! Add movements for little ones, too- that helps so much! There are tons of ABC Scripture Flash Cards you can buy to start you off. I also love Simply Charlotte Mason’s Scripture Memory Cards! It puts your memory verses in a rotation so you can revisit ones you learned in the past while also learning new ones- super smart.
7. The Concept of Stewardship
Teaching our children the concept of stewardship has been a huge component of how we are discipling them. Our children have been taught that they have purpose now, not just when they’re older! As followers of Jesus (since they have all made the decision to follow Him) they have areas in their lives they must learn to steward well. The first is their relationship with Jesus. This is delicate, as we cannot force their relationship with Jesus- but facilitating an atmosphere (as mentioned in all the sections above) where they get to pray, read Scripture, etc. starts the process. Now that my oldest daughter is 9, it’s been so beautiful and mind-blowing to watch her start her own Bible plan each morning, reading and writing her thoughts. We get the privilege of watching her seek Him for herself! And that, in turn, is planting even more seeds in her younger siblings, as they are starting to ask for their own personal Bible time with Jesus too.
The second aspect of stewardship is they are given the task of stewarding their bodies, their gifts and talents, their relationships, and the things they’ve been given. We teach our children that “when they are faithful with little, they are given more.” They must steward their rooms, their toys, their relationships with their siblings, their relationship with us before they are given more. For example, we let them know that if they are not obedient to us in the small responsibilities we give them, we cannot trust them with greater responsibility. This may sound harsh to some- but we also teach them that if they cannot be loving and kind to their own siblings and to us, they will not be given the privilege of stewarding friendships. They may disagree with their siblings, but they must be respectful, or they will not be permitted to have more relationships. All it takes is a reminder that sounds like this: “Guys- if we cannot be kind and respect each other, we will not be going to _____ today. We will steward our relationships in this family before we move on to more.” We see it as a parallel with Scripture that calls mothers and fathers to be faithful at home before given permission to lead in other capacities. Our point to the children is that when they can be consistently faithful with what they’ve been given, they will be given more. So if we see that their chores (which are basically their rooms and putting away laundry) are consistently slacking, we are not opposed to removing extra curriculars or time playing with the neighborhood kids. This is done in love, for their benefit- to teach them that they have a role in our family. When they don’t do their part, the entire home suffers.
We also make sure there is ample time in our schedule for them to steward the gifts and talents God has given each of them. Lyon loves to sing and loves art. We make it a point to make room for those things. Lavender is a gifted teacher and loves to bake/cook. Halston is very sensitive to worship and loves to play his instruments. We allot time to each of these gifts and talents, and remind the children that we must steward and stir up these things.
A good stewardship check-in with our children could look like asking the following questions:
“What are your top 2-3 friends right now? How do you think you’re stewarding that friendship? Are you being a good friend?”
“What has the Lord been speaking to you lately? What do you think about that? Have you answered Him back?”
“How’s your relationship with *pick a sibling*? Is there anything you could be doing better in that relationship? I’ve noticed that you’re doing ______ really well!”
“How are you feeling about your art (or fill in the blank whatever gift/talent) lately? Is there any resources you need to help you reach the next level?”
Concluding Thoughts
I’m sure there are many more ideas than what I’ve shared here, but these rose to the top of my mind and have truly been fruitful in our home. I pray you “take the meat and spit out the bones” of whatever the Lord highlights for you and your family from what I’ve shared. Discipling my children has been one of the greatest joys of my life thus far, and watching them grow in the Lord makes my heart burst. All I want is for them to far surpass me in all things. My heart’s desire is that our family heritage from this point forward would know the Lord deeply, love Him with all their heart, mind, soul and strength, and love others as themselves. I have fallen short constantly, but over the years I have seen the faithfulness of God amidst my lack. I have watched my children encounter Him because of my efforts, and like wise I have watched them encounter Him IN SPITE OF MY FAILURES. He wants their hearts far more than I can fathom, and He will finish the work He’s started in my children- and He will finish the work in your precious children, too, sisters. I am confident of that. Blessings to each of you who are reading this- from my home to yours!
Jada… this was such a gift to read and I’ll be saving it to go back to and discussing more with my husband! So thankful for you and the wisdom you share!!